Baby Got Back

Since ancient times, scientists have been studying the universe in attempts to write mathematical formulae to describe and categorize all things in the world. That goes for the universe, life and apparently butts. British psychologist David Holmes claims to have devised the formula for the perfect butt.

(S+C) x (B+F)/T = V

where

S = the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom
C = how spherical the buttocks are
B = measures muscular wobble or bounce
F = the firmness
V = the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom
T = the skin texture and presence of cellulite

The article doesn't say how exactly some of these quantities are measured but it does say that the maximum score is 80 and that Kylie Minogue, not Jennifer Lopez, would receive the perfect mark. I think Holmes may have forgotten that there is a subjective nature to butts and that Sir Mix-a-Lot might challenge this ASSessment.